Category Archives: health

Me Talk Titty One Day

I’m fat.

I am actually quite fat.

I’m fat pretty much everywhere, from the top of my big old Charlie Brown head to the bottoms of my Fred Flintstone feet. Fat everywhere except for two places.

Here, and here.

If I had to pick any two places on my body to be medium or even just a little undersized, it definitely would not have been in the tits.

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how i know i’m getting old

1. I am interested in microdermabrasion (see Twitter exchange above).

2. I want to tell younger people how adorable they are. Today I ate my lunch at a “quick service” Italian place. You order at a counter and your food is brought to you at your table. My pasta was served by a lovely young woman who wore strawberry earrings and her curls piled up on her head. I wanted to pinch this girl’s cheeks, she was so cute. She was probably no older than 19, which is almost HALF MY AGE.

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tomorrowland

I lost my job on Tuesday.

I filed for unemployment on Wednesday. It’s not going to be as much as I had hoped. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to live on it. At the very least, I will have to redefine what it means for me to live. Of course, I have little in the way of savings. I do not want to drain my 401(k).

I want to thank everyone who’s reached to me, via Twitter, Facebook, text message, phone call, and e-mail to offer their support and their advice. I am now actively monitoring my Linked In profile, for once.

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run, fat girl, run: a little workout whine

#runfatgirlrun

The lobby of the building where my gym is located is home to a Così. Whenever I go to the gym I am assailed by the smell of hot, delicious sandwiches right before I huff and puff away on a treadmill for 30 or so minutes. And then I smell those hot, delicious sandwiches again whenever I leave.

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ladies night

In case you were wondering, my week 2 of Couch-to-5K was supposed to start Monday or Tuesday, then possibly end Saturday morning. Sadly, I’ve totally bagged this week for some reason so I’ll probably be restarting week 1 this coming Sunday. Please, no ridicule.

I think I might have been exhausted. Last weekend was crazy busy. So busy that I, um, have been slacking this week like I usually do. A run-down is below, so you can judge for yourself as to whether or not this week of sloth was, in fact, justified. I know the answer is probably no but hear me out!

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C25K – week 1 workout 2

Notes

  • This time I stretched a bit before I started my workout. It helped a little but jogging was even harder this time. Calves seized up and I felt heavier this evening.
  • Evening was cool. It would have been cold but there was little wind. It was perfect. Again, I dread when the weather gets warmer/more humid.
  • I thought about turning back when the C25K app told me I was at the halfway point, but by that point I was bopping along and I didn’t want to turn around. I decided then to end my walk somewhere near the 151/156 bus route that runs through Lincoln Park. I could take the bus home.
  • Yes, there was bopping. I figured if I couldn’t jog for the “run” parts I should do something extra. I was no longer on the lakefront trail south of Diversey, winding up instead along the harbor. Lots of geese and terns paid me no mind as I danced along to my mix.
  • The moon was out tonight. It was really pretty.
  • Oh yeah, I tried doing it without socks this time. Something in or about my right shoe was rubbing my foot the wrong so I got a blister. A blister! Does this mean I’m a real shuffler now?

I’m planning my next workout for Saturday morning around 8am. I am not a morning person. But I think it’s the only time I can do it. Maybe Saturday evening? Don’t want to leave it until Sunday.

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C25K: week 1 workout 2 music

Posting this now so I can psych myself up for tomorrow’s evening workout. Also, I ran 2/3 of a block today to catch the bus. So can I call myself a runner?

  1. Gnarls Barkley, “Run”
  2. Kylie Minogue, “Love At First Sight”
  3. Robyn, “Crash And Burn Girl”
  4. Kylie Minogue, “Wow”
  5. Basement Jaxx, “Right Here’s The Spot” (feat. Me’Shell NdegéOcello)
  6. Madonna, “Jump”
  7. “Glee” cast, “4 Minutes”
  8. Madonna, “Into The Groove”
  9. Gnarls Barkley, “Smiley Faces”

PS: Yes, I totally bought the “Glee” version of “4 Minutes” after last night’s Madonna-centric episode “The Power of Madonna”. It was my favorite song from the night.

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C25K: day 1

I came home from work and before I gave myself a chance to get in bed and order myself a pizza, I changed into my workout clothes and headed out for my first Couch-to-5K workout.

Workout 1 of week 1 is as follows:

Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Map

Notes

  • I forgot to stretch before (and after the workout). Because I forgot to stretch, I felt my calves stiffening and burning up some time during run number 4. So instead of running for runs 5 through 9, I just walked faster.
  • I ran into a classmate from voice class, Jamie. She was walking her dog, smoking a cigarette. I dearly wished for a cigarette.
  • I ran past the wee doggie beach. Between the two dogs frolicking near the waters edge and the runners I saw out with their puppies, I dearly wished for a doggie.
  • I don’t know why this happens but the sock on my left foot crept down so that my heel was bare. Not sure if it’s because my left foot is slightly larger than my right, the sock is too small, my laces weren’t tied properly, or because I am cursed.
  • It was lovely and cool, a good night for shuffling along. Imagine how much I will bitch and moan when it starts to get more humid.
  • I saw dudes looking at me but I don’t know if I imagined that.
  • I don’t think I could have done this without the C25K app for the iPhone. Seriously. It lets me play whatever music I want, pausing the music with audio prompts when it’s time to switch between walking and running.
  • I finished with just enough time to get a sandwich at Nabo’s before they closed. I got home a few minutes after “Glee” started. Thank goodness for my DVR.
  • Maria called me from Toronto while I was waiting for my sandwich. That was nice.

Music

The following playlist runs 31:44.

  1. Sam & Dave, “Soul Man”
  2. Ray Charles, “(Night Time Is) The Right Time”
  3. Bob & Earl, “Harlem Shuffle”
  4. Sam & Dave, “Hold On, I’m Coming”
  5. The Temptations, “I Can’t Get Next To You”
  6. Stevie Wonder, “Living For The City”
  7. Spoon, “Jonathon Fisk”
  8. Semisonic, “F.N.T.”
  9. The Rumble Strips, “Girls And Boys In Love”
  10. Doves, “Black And White Town”

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before it makes me run

Before I start this Couch-to-5K thingie, I had to make sure I was outfitted properly. Now, thanks to the magic of Polyvore, you can see for yourself that I am. People of the lakefront, you’ve been warned.

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in the company of men

I have an update on the plan to save my own fat ass. It’s not much of an update, though. I found my geriatric raver shoes! I bought the C25K app for my iPhone. I bought new socks that are supposed to be all “moisture-wicking”. I think this means they are magical or something. I even got new “active cargo pants” so I don’t have to wear my yoga pants that always fall down whenever I wear them outside of the house.

So yeah, I feel ready. As soon as I find my sports bra.

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