The Stupor Bowl

If Kelly hadn’t invited me over to watch the Super Bowl at her place, I would have most likely spent the day in bed, unshowered, watching HGTV until kickoff. I would have eaten a box of SnackWell brand Devil’s Food Cookie Cakes, washed down with some Coke Zero, and called it a night.

But because Kelly invited me over, I had reason to shower! Put on a bra and outside clothes! Leave the house! BUT! My hair’s unkemptitude had been bothering me since, like, forever, so I got a haircut. I even went to the Hair Cuttery, aka the scene of the tragic t0o-short haircut I got in March 2009. This time, I got the lovely Marnie, who gave me a sweet-ass bob.

She styled it so it was all fluffy (my hair is fine/thinning/whatever, so I need all the volume I can get) and I thought I looked like a cross between a middle aged Asian church lady and Shirley Temple. Observe:

"On the good ship fattypop"

But seriously, I know I look good. Don’t be jealous.

Actually, it was waaaaay fluffier when I left the shop. It deflated over the course of my day. It also didn’t help that I kept flipping it all over the place, running my fingers through the curls.

After the haircut, I needed lunch. I knew I wanted to head up to Uni-Mart to get lumpia to bring to Kelly’s, so I decided to have lunch there, too. I got a big plate of rice and pork adobo for $5.48, eating it in the corner of the store set up as a lunchroom. I ate under the watchful gaze of not one but two images of the Virgin Mary as depicted on calendars. I ate, inhaling the scent of tilapia and milkfish as they were fried a few feet away.

After I finished my lunch, I bought 1.5 lbs of lumpiang Shanghai, and half a pound of barbecue pork skewers. The ladies at Uni-Mart packed everything up really well, so the food was still tasty, warm, and intact by the time I arrived at Kelly’s. Two buses, and a stop at one of the gas stations on Lawrence and Ashland to buy soda, and my little porky delights were still good to eat.

Danita arrived a few minutes after kickoff, bearing cupcakes from City Provisions. Kelly had made this really delicious cheese dip, and a black bean and corn salsa. I spent four hours just shoving lumpia, cheese, and salsa into my mouth while Hershey, Kelly’s dog, lay next to me on the couch, gnawing on rawhide braid.

About the game. I confess I was a little distracted by the Kim Zolciak-ness of Christina Aguilera’s hair as she sang the national anthem. It was probably for the best that I missed seeing Cameron Diaz feeding Alex Rodriguez popcorn. I admired the tightness of the players’ pants. I wondered why the universally panned halftime show featuring the Black Eyed Peas even had to happen. Isn’t this Fox? Couldn’t they have gotten the cast of “Glee” to do it? They would have killed it.

The Chrysler commercial starring Eminem, a valentine to the city of Detroit, was my favorite commercial of the night. The GoDaddy commercials, not so much. I didn’t see the infamous Groupon commercial when it aired, but Kelly and I caught it on-line after the game on the Fox Sports web site and, um, whoa.

As soon as the game ended, Danita took off for home, and Kelly and I started counting down to “Glee”. An awesome episode, with flaming Cheerios and zombie makeup and a Sue “Syvlester” tattoo and holy shit the cannon! I may part with $0.99 of my precious money to buy the “Heads Will Roll”/”Thriller” mashup featured in the episode. Okay, maybe the Dalton Warblers’ version of “Bills, Bills, Bills” because dammit, Darren Criss is just so dreamy.


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Filed under popular culture, television

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