I lost my job on Tuesday.
I filed for unemployment on Wednesday. It’s not going to be as much as I had hoped. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to live on it. At the very least, I will have to redefine what it means for me to live. Of course, I have little in the way of savings. I do not want to drain my 401(k).
I want to thank everyone who’s reached to me, via Twitter, Facebook, text message, phone call, and e-mail to offer their support and their advice. I am now actively monitoring my Linked In profile, for once.
I missed out on saying goodbye to a bunch of people at the old job, and if any of them read this, I would urge them to get in touch because, well, I miss you guys already.
But right now I need to figure out a plan. A plan to find employment without sacrificing dignity or health or sanity. I’m eyeing the bag where I keep my medications, wondering how long I can make them last.
People who’ve reached out to me since Tuesday seem to be split into two camps about what I should do. For some reason, Twilight came to mind when thinking of these two sides of a very compelling conflict.
Team Edward says it (the former gig) was never what you wanted to do anyway. You should totally take as much time as you need to find yourself, remember what you love, and let that drive you into something new.
Team Jacob says you gotta get right back into the game and to find a job immediately so you can pay your rent, buy food, and afford health care. Times are tough, but so are you. Get back in there.
Both sides also remind me that I did good work, I was helpful and dedicated and loyal for 11 years, I’m smart and it shouldn’t be difficult to find something not unlike what I was doing before.
I think that’s pretty accurate of the advice I’ve received so far. I still don’t know how I feel.
Actually, that’s not true. I know how I feel, but how I feel changes and has been changing a lot.
I apply for unemployment and see that the estimated benefit is less than what I made when I was 23 years old, so I feel panicky and anxious.
I get good feedback on the first draft of my resumé, and I feel proud.
I get an e-mail from Chase saying that my check for this month’s rent has already been cashed – panicky because that’s less money but good because at least I have a roof over my head through the end of the month.
I came home Tuesday to find my tv and internet has been shut off because I had to pay the bill – awful. I make the minimum payment, then reach out to Comcast Executive Customer support for help – better. A wonderful woman named Marta from Comcast calls back to tell me she can reduce my cable tv bill significantly for the next six months – so much better. I get off the phone and start crying – dear god.
I find out that the writing staff of “The Walking Dead” got let go on the same day I get let go – wow, Hollywood really is just like real life.
I announce a project called “Take Your Jasmine To Work” Day on my Tumblr, where I visit my friends at their jobs, in the hopes that I make some progress in meeting people who can help me find work and also because I think it’s hilarious – proud that my sense of humor seems to be intact.
I think of my parents, who I haven’t called yet because I don’t want to upset them, especially since my aunt Ruby (mother’s sister) died of breast cancer this week. I have no feelings for this. Feelings aren’t enough to describe the sorrow and love I feel for them and for my mother’s loss. I cannot bear to call them with more bad news. It’s too soon, too much.
I’m not sure this is what Dave had in mind when he suggested I write this blog post. It’s step 3 in an exercise that hopefully should help me figure out what happens next. It’s just what happened.