I considered disabling comments for this post. I imagined being overwhelmed by friends and enemies, old and new, leaving comments about how I should apologize to X for Y.
I’m not sure why. I don’t think of myself as bad or evil, but certainly I owe people a lot. Certainly took more than I gave. Forgot when I should have remembered, and maybe didn’t forgive right away if I ever forgave at all.
I also thought I would just say I apologize to everyone to everything, for past, present, and future offenses, but that’s awfully convenient, isn’t it? Though in the spirit of my personality (read: sloth), doing so would be the easy and obvious thing to do.
- I owe Jeff K. an apology for forgetting to send him a birthday card.
- I owe Joan an apology for not seeking her out at the 57th Street Art Fair yesterday.
- I owe my mother an apology for not calling her enough.
- I owe my great-uncle an apology for not calling him after my great-aunt died. (Yes, I know. Awful.)
- I owe my body an apology for treating it like shit for, well, all my life.
- I owe Andrea an apology for leaving skipping out early on the May “First Friday” party at the MCA.
- I owe my former roommates apologies for being a crappy roommate.
And so on and so forth. Jebus, I feel exhausted and not finished with these apologies. Can I ever apologize enough? Probably not. Does that mean I shouldn’t even bother? Probably not.