Ham Saturday: “The Silence of The Ham” starring St. John the Baaaa-ptist

The meaning of the acronym LATFH has been changed from “Look at this fucking hipster” to “Look at this fucking HAM”. Seriously, just look at it.

Look at this fucking ham.

Isn’t it beautiful? Okay, maybe not to you vegetarians and/or people who don’t dig on pork, so later for you. This is nine pounds of honey baked ham power, and it only cost me $30. Best. Impulse purchase. Ever.

I ordered this ham back in early March. It arrived Maundy Thursday, just like I wanted. Getting it home on the bus was easy enough, though I did end up getting a cab the last few blocks from the bus stop. It didn’t need to defrost anymore, as the box was room temperature, but I shoved it in the fridge anyway and dreamed about it. While I ate hot dogs and churched it up on Friday. Please don’t act surprised to know that I think about food while I am eating food. It’s just the way I do.

The dreaming continued during voice class Saturday morning. Gwen led us through warm-ups and then we got some new songs to sing. I am particularly enamored of “Whispering Grass”:

Though I now have a distrust of “blabbering trees”.

Anyway, when I got out of class, I made my way home to prepare for what Nite and I had christened “Ham Saturday”. When I got this ham, I didn’t think about how a single person could eat 9 pounds of ham. And then I thought “I’ll have an Easterly dinner!” but not in my studio. Nite was kind enough to host a small affair. Elisa made scalloped potatoes (OMFG) and a Key lime pie. Kathy brought a pound cake (which we ate with some chocolatey ice cream Nite had in his freezer). Nite and I picked up some couscous and green beans, and Kelly brought wine. There was also a lot of soda.

As Nite and I started preparing at three in the afternoon — he collected me and the ham at my apartment, we bought soda and the sides, then drove back to his apartment — we were ready at four in the afternoon. I brought over a spare Netflix Wii disc and we trolled through my Instant Netflix queue, settling on Marnie. My second favorite Hitchcock after Strangers On A Train. Or was that Rear Window?

There ended up being more than enough ham for the four of us at 7:30 (Kelly didn’t arrive until 10!).  We ate dinner at the table, then had dessert while watching Moonstruck. Perfect. The ham was tasty but I think the real star were the potatoes Elisa made.

The guest of honor, after the gorgeous ham, which could not have been easier to cut up (it was already spiral cut, and the meat just sort of fainted off the bone when I waved a knife in its general direction), was this lamb cake I had bought at Dinkel’s. Kelly wasn’t able to make a lamb cake like she’d hoped, so I got this cake in its place.


Nite wanted the head for his dessert. Insisted upon it, I’d say.

I had no choice but to play Herod to his Salome, and present Nite with the head of the cake now known as “St. John The Baaaa-ptist”.

head of St. John The Baaaa-ptist

The body was left for the rest of us to eat (I snagged the butt).

headless lamb

Nite didn’t favor me with a dance of the seven veils in exchange for the poor lamb’s head. Maybe we’ll leave that for next year.


1 Comment

Filed under food & drink, friends

One response to “Ham Saturday: “The Silence of The Ham” starring St. John the Baaaa-ptist

  1. Pingback: kick, push « this is jasmine

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