“I’ve got gloves on.”

Not much to report from today except that I came back to work from lunch (Chipotle) and discovered I was late for the first half of first aid training (second half is tomorrow morning). It’s completely voluntary and, as it turns out, pretty fun.

Eric from the American Heart Association came to work to teach us the basics of first aid, the kind of stuff most people would employ on a person in distress before EMS arrived on the scene. Our instructor was Eric, a friendly dude who showed us a DVD which was instructive and pretty goofy. He didn’t hesitate to show us tips that improved on or corrected the video.

Oh, that video. The narrator was pretty useful, introducing each chapter clearly and succinctly. The actor demonstrating the first aid was, well, a robot in oddly boxy workout clothes.

For example. The actor/robot would observe the scene around him, to make sure it is safe for him to proceed with providing assistance. He said in a monotone: “The scene is safe.” You notice he is wearing gloves: “I have gloves on.”

Don’t believe me? Watch:

Speaking of the gloves, there is a correct way to remove gloves so that any fluids do not get on you. Please to observe!

We partnered up for role-play. Taking turns between playing the victim and the “layperson rescuer”, we learned how to check for breathing, performing the Heimlich maneuver, and attending to someone in shock (which involved wrapping someone, lying on the ground, in a Mylar blanket and elevating her feet).

We practiced using dummy EpiPens on each other’s thighs. We observed that the lady using the “stop, drop, and roll” method of helping someone on fire did it wrong in the video. She kept yelling at the victim to roll and roll and roll and then she threw a blanket over him. We noticed this weirdness and Eric said it’s better to have someone just drop and you put them out with your blanket or sheet or whatever you can use. Which made sense when Eric pointed out that rolling over and over like that, over burns and injuries, kinda fucking hurts.

(Okay, he didn’t quite put it that way but you know what I mean.)

CPR and AED use training happens tomorrow. I’ll try to take some pictures. In the meantime, if you start choking or have an allergic reaction to a bee sting or get internal bleeding when you are hit by a pallet truck (the video, again), you know who to call.

If you’d like to learn more about the Workplace Training program offered by the American Heart Association, click here.

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