The Secret Whiteboy

by Guest Contributor KRS-1

The numbers are disheartening: 20.4 million African-American women between the ages of 25 and 64; 18.6 million men. Even if every single Black man paired up with a sista, that leaves approximately 1.8 million women at loose ends. A small, but growing number of sistas are starting to consider dating, mating and relating outside the race.

Ask most Black women if they have ever considered dating a white guy, and you will most likely hear something along the lines of “I just don’t find white men attractive,” accompanied by the matching gas face. However, speaking with dozens [hundreds?] of sistas has revealed the phenomenon I call “The Secret White Boy”.

TSWB Phenomenon is simply this: virtually every African-American woman can think of at least one white male celebrity that “moves her numbers”, so to speak, thus confirming the human maxim that “fine is fine,” regardless of the package. It’s a fun party game to play among sistas (non-sistas, don’t even think about asking a sis about this, sorry), and as of the date of this post, I’m batting 1000.

The dudes that do it for my girls run the gamut. Some are so obvious, they hardly count. Robin Thicke? Yeah, okay. Meanwhile, others get the WTF? eyebrow. Tobey Maguire? Really?

A sample interaction with my younger sister on the topic:

Lil’ sis: Ew. I just don’t find white men attractive. All that pasty skin… Ew!

KRS-1: Yeah, okay, MRS AARON ECKHART!

Lil sis: *sullen silence*

Some of us are old hands at this game. To prime the pump, what follows is yours truly’s Not-So-Secret White Boy List:

Category 1: The British Invasion

Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig

To quote another sista blogger:

“Daniel Craig could hit it on the 50-yard line of the Orange Bowl. That is all.”

Gerard Butler

Gerard Butler

Another one who could ride the KRS-1-inator: “This particular thrill ride is a dark ride. You must be this tall and this fine to ride. You’ll want to keep your eyes open.” And when he finished, he could tag in…

Clive Owen

Clive Owen

OMC (“Oh My Clive”)

Pierce Brosnan

Pierce Brosnan

Almost too pretty; almost too skinny. Almost.

And although all the above blokes could line up to ride, they’d have to step aside for this bloke:

Idris Elba

Idris Elba

This ol’ boy has a permanent FastPass. Front of the queue! Mind the gap! Heh.

Category 2: The Men of Sex and The City

A good icebreaker is to ask a sista which SaTC man does it for her. Plenty of  sistas are on Team Aidan and/or Team Steve. Even Harry has his fans. I prefer the classics:

Chris Noth

Tall, dark and sardonic. Mmmm….

Jason Lewis

An aberration, as I do not generally favor blondes. But whatcha gonna do?

Category 3: TV and Movie Characters

Zachary Quinto as Spock

Moms had the hots for Leonard Nimoy. ZQ’s emo take on Spock gave me “That Special Feeling”.

Don Draper

Don Draper

[sound of Homer drooling over donuts]

Honorable Mention: Liberal White Southerners

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John Edwards

John Edwards

Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton

Jimmy Carter

Jimmy Carter

Not much to look at, but love me some Southern boys. Anyone who can discuss the “black tax” over a bowl of grits is worth a holler.

How about it? Who’s your SWB?

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Filed under humor, politics, popular culture, race

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