I am of the belief that birthdays are sacred and special. Everybody has a birthday, but not everybody believes that the occasion is worth celebrating like I do, with displays of excess and deficiency, piety and wickedness, joy and despair. It’s life, bitches, it deserves a party. Also, I have ulterior motives, because I am determined to make up for some of the appalling and even merely mediocre birthdays I celebrated when younger. I mean, I turned 21 on Easter Sunday — how can you get excited about being of legal drinking age when hello? Jesus came back from the dead. Also, I think that year my birthday was also the first day back to school from spring break, so people were either not caring or not knowing it was my day. Mine mine mine. Okay, mine and Jesus’s.
I don’t deny that the thought of aging isn’t exactly appealing. But I’ve never understood those people who won’t tell their birthdays, their ages — you claim not to be affected but if you weren’t then who cares who knows that you are 32 going on 16? Or 52 going on 90? I remember Jacinda telling me that her turning 30 last month wasn’t a huge deal because she’d been telling people she was 30 for the last few years. It’s true — for some reason, it’s just easier to round up. Like, if you say you’re 28, some folks will think you’re knocking a few years off your age for vanity’s sake and just assume you are 30-something anyway. So why not just give the people what they want?
So for March 1, 2006, which is officially day 1 of “The 30 Days of Jasmine”, the proper observance is as follows:
1. It’s Ash Wednesday, so you observant Catholics should be at Mass and fasting.
2. For the rest of y’all, do not tempt the Catholics with your delicious food whenever they walk by, their foreheads smudged and weary.
3. Watch “Project Runway” when it airs tonight.
4. Help somebody — donate money to the Red Cross Red Crescent, read to the elderly (try the Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly), or adopt a dog from a shelter (or at least become a foster dog parent).
5. Homework for tomorrow: think of your favorite anecdote involving me and you. One that, preferably, does not feature me drunk and babbling.
PS: Okay, so I know this “30 Days of Jasmine” thing is self-centered and all, but honestly, what did you expect?
Sergio Mendes – Magalenha; Prince – Black Sweat; Catherine Wheel – I Want to Touch You; Portishead – Strangers