skirt, aka news from the flip front 83

Note: I didn’t know how to start this flip front, so I’m cheating and replying to Nadine’s e-mail about her birthday instead.

On Tue, 12 Jun 2001, Nadine K. wrote:

so for the birthday dinner nick and i tried to go to
the boat basin cafe, but it turned out to be massively
stocked with yuppies and frat boys chattering loudly,

Ew. I used to enjoy hanging out at yuppie and frat boy haunts, as they’re so easy to ridicule under my breath. But they don’t challenge me like they used to. You can only make so many jokes about them. I much prefer the down-and-out types who take the Ashland bus — today I saw a guy who stood about 4′ tall and had a fresh glass eyeball where his left eye should have been. It was so new that he still had a plastic eye patch taped over it for protection.

and we are officially going to ithaca this weekend.
we have a room at a lovely bed and breakfast on a hill

Oh, how picturesque (I don’t get to use this word often enough). What is there to do in Ithaca? Will there be college students to taunt? Apple-picking?

near cornell, and nick has promised to wine and dine
me.  i am excited by this, because to my knowledge i
have never been wined and dined, though it always

I tried to wine and dine somebody once — but it’s pretty impossible to wine and dine somebody at Big Bowl. Even if you are putting out. And believe me — I was putting out. We sat right next to the grill and my water glass kept dripping all over my shirt. When we got home (remember, this was the guy who lived below me) we made moves to kiss each other — I got a mouthful of his shirt, and he scratched my jaw with his glasses. Not long after that, he started dating somebody else. D’oh, indeed.

*sigh* — maybe it’ll be different for the two of you because you’ve been together for a while? Hmm. And is it possible to be wined and dined in Ithaca? I’m thinking of a Joy Behar joke about Amy Fisher — “‘He wined me and dined me.’ In Massapequa?” Maybe Ithaca is a bit more charming and romantic than Nassau County — you’ll have to fill me in. It all sounds like a lovely passage from a Laurie Colwin novel, like “A Big Storm Knocked It Over” or “Happy All The Time”.

Sean, Michelle, and I tried to see David Sedaris read this weekend, but the bookstore was crowded. There were people out on the sidewalk, noses pressed against the windows, *desperately* trying to get a glimpse. I could understand it — after all, I did go all the way out to Oak Park to see him — but I can’t do that whole groupie thing (remember that flip front about the second-to-last guy I had a crush on, the guy in the band?). I didn’t even have a book for him to sign.

The day wasn’t a total loss, as we found a nice bakery and had some lunch. Being in Oak Park was so peaceful and calm — no nasty shirtless men like on the el. Kathy told me that there were some fine-looking shirtless guys at Blues Fest, which has never been my experience. The last time I went to Blues Fest all I could see were shirtless Indiana suburbanites with mullets and wraparound sunglasses. They chugged lite beer and leered at me as I tried to eat my chocolate-covered banana as discreetly as possible. I don’t think of myself as being particularly sexy or sexual, so it’s hard when what little attention I get from guys is bullshit like that. Consequently, I only use straws in the privacy of my own home. And I avoid lollipops as much as possible.

The zoo, which Jacinda and I visited on Sunday, was a little better. The otters weren’t out (boo!) but the penguins were making all sorts of funny noises (yay!). Jacinda forgot her sunglasses, so we squinted at all the misbehaving small children and swore never to hang out with more than one child at a time. The word of the day was “bitches” and was used freely, directed at the slow-moving folks in stained sweatpants who took flash pictures of all the endangered animals. We used the word even more after the zoo, when we headed down Wells to the Old Town Art Festival. We weren’t feeling the $5, though, so we headed back to my house for cold coca-cola and “Anne of Avonlea”.

Have you ever seen “Anne of Avonlea”? That show, along with “Degrassi Junior High”, “Degrassi High”, and “The Diaries of Adrian Mole”, and “The Young Ones”, was what kept me going during adolescence. I didn’t have cable then so I had to rely on public television and this public access show called “Video Music Box”. VMB was a hip-hop music video show, preceding Yo! MTV Raps by quite a few years. I wonder if they still show it. You should look for it and let me know.

Okay — be a good girl and let me know how this weekend goes, okay? I had a great dinner at the Peruvian place last night — jealous? Okay, maybe not ‘cos you ate yummy Argentinian food last week. And you’re going to Ithaca this weekend for a romantic getaway. And you have the same birthday as Prince while I share mine with Warren Beatty. It’s okay, I ain’t mad at ya.

I miss you a lot. Write soon, and let me know if you need any more tips on eye shadow application.


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