I’m having animal crackers for breakfast this morning. Immediately my co-worker Josh starts joking about them busting out of the box and trampling the server room. We’d have to take the animals down with tranquilizer guns full or milk. I noticed that the zebra cracker lacked something — maybe a cheetah biting into its ass would make it more palatable to dedicated carnivores like myself. Let’s hear it for the circle of life!
Whenever animals like lions, giraffes, and wildebeests come to mind, I can’t help but think of Marlin Perkins, the great host of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Imagine a animal cracker of Marlin riding a polar bear, cuddling with a lion, getting eaten by a hippo! This is even better than my idea for special edition Playboy-brand Nestle Quik — replace that stupid-ass rabbit with the Playboy bunny. Or with the Playmate of the Year. Or Hef in a bunny costume. Heh heh, old people are fun-nay!
My roommate has not been giving me my messages, so I spoke to Celi last week, about two days after she actually called. I guess Ol’ Mop Top is jivin’ again — has Monty Burns taught her nothing?! “In with the love, out with the jive,” like I always say. She’s been acting moody ‘cos I don’t invite her out on group outings. Given her proclivity for moodiness and just plain rudeness, can you blame me? I believe that some of you can attest to her mood swings — they are not fun.
I’ve been in an Olympic haze the entire weekend, and it came to a head last night at Kevin’s. The cosmopolitans were flowing and the commentary was incredible. I believe Kathy won, but I’ll leave it to the referee to decide. Mr. Thomas, I defer to your judgment. I don’t dare repeat what was said last night as I can’t remember half of it anyway, so just trust me when I say that what the world needs is Kathy, Chris, Tasneem, Michael, Jorge, and Kevin doing Olympic coverage. Specifically, covering the unattractiveness of certain athletes vs. what hotties can be found in the audience.
I’m also flashing back to Svetlana Khorkina, who won the gold in the uneven bars in individual competition. She kissed the bar afterwards. She should, as she kept falling off the higher bar during the team competition, landing flat on her hands and knees. Hmph, if you ask me, she looked pretty damn comfortable in that position, a little too comfortable, but whatever. I’ve been cheering for the Chinese ‘cos they never show my peeps in competition. No Olym-flips for me, boo hoo.
Saturday was Stef’s birthday bar crawl, and I had a good time. Stef looked lovely, and henceforth had men hitting on her throughout the course of the evening. She said that somebody even hit on her while on line for the loo at the Pontiac. Which makes sense — how else can you corner someone in a crowded bar? I’d feel bad if somebody hit on me when I really needed to go, as I can’t engage in any sort of meaningful conversation when I have to go really badly. In my limited experience, I’ve found that it nearly impossible to put out when you’re trying to hold it in. Better to wait until afterwards, ‘cos I don’t know about you, but I’m usually in *great* mood after going to the bathroom.
Some crazed hippie guy at Borderline threw his dog at me. Fortunately his dog, an eight month-old Alaskan Malamute, was cool with that. She seemed to be used to it — clubbing with a hopelessly dorky guy in tow. That dog was the cutest thing at the bar — outside of my group of cohorts, naturally. She was so soft, and so friendly, it pained me to see that her owner was such a fucking dork. Who wears Teva rip-offs to a club? Who throws their dog at strangers?
Stef, I had a great time Saturday night, and I hope you had a wonderful birthday. Please send me Joe’s work info., as we work two blocks from each other and lunch seems to be in order.
NP: “Bombay The Hard Way: Guns, Cars & Sitars”, Anandji V. Shah and Kalyanji V. Shah (produced by Dan the Automator!)
PS: Tasneem and Jorge, that sauce I made is from the Knorr Parma Rosa Sauce mix. It comes in a packet — just mix in 1 1/4 c. of milk and 1 tbs. of butter if you like, then toss over your favorite pasta. I suggest farfalle, ziti, or campenelle. They also make this yummy creamy pesto — deee-lish!
PPS: Jolanta makes really good waffles.
“In the beginning there was Jack, and Jack had a groove, and from this groove came the groove of all grooves, and while one day viciously throwing down on his box, Jack boldly declared, ‘Let there be house.'”
Rhythm Control, “My House”