To: Joe, Jasmine, Andrea, Jalissa, Dan, Claire, Doug, Olivia
I am at work. I am having a bad day, and my shoes are sopping wet. Yuck yuck yuck. So i had to take them off to let them dry and i am walking around my office bare foot. I feel like a hippie. ew. anyway, this morning one thing DID happen to make me feel VERY, VERY special.
when i got off the train at 55th and the Dan Ryan, it was pouring. so, instead of going across the bridge to wait for the bus, I stood underneath the protected covering of the el station and waited to see which would come first, the 55th bus or the 59/61st and Stony Island, figuring that I would take whichever one came first. neither came for a while. but a young man with cornrows DID come up to me and ask me how to pronounce/read the name of and number of a girl that had given him her number. so i told him. “corissa” i said. it was printed in all bold face capitals. it wasn’t hard. he thanked me and went away. still no bus. and still no bus.
so, a few minutes later the young man came back up to me. “i’m sorry,” he said, “but i be thinking that you is so attractive. i thought so before, and i wanted to talk to you, but i be too shy, you know what i sayin’, so i didn’t. but i be thinking you real attractive, so i have to ask your name.” “uuuuuuh, andrea,” i said. “hello, andrea, my name is james. its nice to meet you.” “nice to meet you, james,” i replied. “you be looking so good to me right now,” james said, “you know, i was locked up for four years, i just be getting out of the pen. just TWO days ago.” i congratulated him. “you know, i haven’t been wit’ no woman in FOUR years. i got sick of lookin’ at all them men up in the pen. and you just be so attractive. i STILL remember what an attractive woman look like. and you just be so attractive, it would be nice if you would be the first one i kick it wit’.” “hmmmm,” i replied, trying to think of something. “hmmmm” i went on, stalling for time. then it hit me — a test in which i could see if olivia’s line would work in reverse. “nothing against you, but i have to warn you that my baby’s daddy might be mad if i kicked it with some other guy, so i think i’m gonna have to turn down your offer.” “damn!” james yelled in all seriousness, “i gets out of the pen and all the attractive ones are taken. they got fiances and husbands or they babies’ daddys. whats up?” “i know,” i said “you go away for four years and the women get snatched up. or have babies.” “yeah,” he agreed, “so lets kick it.” “i don’t think so” i said.
then he started mumbling something about how if we not be kickin’ it, then maybe we could be just friends and hang out and talk, because he don’t have no woman friends no more, when i saw michelle (sean’s girlfriend) walk up to cross the street. i said that i had to go because i saw a friend of mine and crossed the street with her.
If rocker Liz Phair married former National Security Adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski, she’d become Mrs. Zbigniew Brzezinski. Now that’s a mouthful! — Tom Ruprecht “Fun With Names”