Juror Depardieu

So back in 2008, after many years of living in this great country, I became a naturalized citizen. The swearing-in ceremony was in a federal courtroom, under the impassive gazes of judges from long ago whose portraits lined the walls. I got no miniature American flag, a wrong that was righted when a co-worker gave me one when I went to the office. I think I celebrated this occasion by going to IHOP.

Since then, I’ve been able to exercise some of the benefits of US citizenship. I have a US passport that permits me visa-free travel to more places than my Philippine passport ever could. I have voted in various elections.

There are also obligations to citizenship, one of which is serving on a jury. Something I’d been able to avoid the first two times I got a notice to appear for jury duty service.

  1. First notice – not a citzen yet! Illinois pulls names from the DMV and voter registration rolls. A simple call got me out of it.
  2. Second notice – my last name did not start with a letter in the range of names they needed.
  3. Third notice – FUCK.

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birdday girl

Jasmine:

I know – I miss me writing on this blog, too.

BUT!

Writing for Miss Spoken is so good and I feel like I get all my personal stories out there.

So what’s left for This Is Jasmine?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

Originally posted on Miss Spoken:

I’m going to keep this kind of short because it’s my birthday today (WHAT) and apparently the weather is nice so I’m going to leave my house (I took the day off work) and do something.

I didn’t plan anything for today. I’ve already had such a nice weekend. LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.

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the lady in 15A

Jasmine:

I’ve been blogging weekly at Miss Spoken since Carly’s been on maternity leave. I will also be co-hosting the show in her absence so come to the Gallery Cabaret tonight at 7pm if you like me, live lit, and cheap drinks.

Originally posted on Miss Spoken:

Congratulate me, you guys – I spent enough time travelling on the same airline in 2014 to qualify for the bottom tier of elite status of its frequent flier program.

I take special delight in being able to use priority access security lanes when I arrive at the airport. I still have to take off my shoes when I go through the body scanner, though. And it’s not like TSA agents are nicer to me just because my boarding pass has the word PRIORITY printed on it all in caps. But shorter lines mean less time spent having my panoply of anti-aging creams scanned and more time eating Garrett’s Popcorn from the kiosk in Terminal 3 of O’Hare.

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stuff I learned this weekend

pumpkin Boba Fett #huffencooper #halloween

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When your lovely pals invite you to join them for post trick-or-treating snacks “any time after 5pm” that means you should probably try to get there not at 7:30pm.

The Halloween you swear you will address any small child dressed as Elsa from Frozen, sporting long white blond hair and a light blue gown, as Daenerys Stormborn or Khaleesi or Mother of Dragons is the day you will see no children wearing that costume.

Chicken chili and a baked potato with butter and sour cream make for the perfect meal on a wet and blustery Halloween tonight.

Taking the Clark bus through Wrigleyville on Halloween night makes for good entertainment.

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ten for tuesday: instagram edition

it's a pulled pork pie with a pastry pig

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Look at this pulled pork pot pie. It has wee pastry pig on top of it. It was delicious!

Patrick and @carly_l_o

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This is Patrick and Carly. We hung out at a live lit/storytelling event last week.

OH HELLO

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This is my friend Sam. Her eyeglasses game is strong.

CUTIES #CHICAGOIST10

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This is my friend Lisa. She threw a super fun 10th anniversary party for Chicagoist, the blog of which is she Associate Editor. Lisa has amazing hair and is an incredible person.

mwahahaha #meowypoppins #catcircle

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I looked after the cats of some friends last week. On our last night together, I made cat circles. I think the circles were just a little too big. The cats were indifferent.

The pep band plays a song near and dear to my heart #uchicagohc

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This is the U of C pep band playing “Livin’ on A Prayer” at Homecoming last weekend. There were corn dogs and temporary tattoos and walking tacos and grilled meat and a football game and lots of beer. It was super fun.

the audience of #20x2Chi

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These are the insanely attractive people who showed up for 20×2 Chicago at Schubas.

longganisa and bangus and everything in between #unclemikesplace #filipinofood #zomato

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Carly and I went to Uncle Mike’s Place for Filipino breakfast on Sunday. It’s one of our things. We’re trying to get a lot of things in before she moves to Algonquin and our new thing becomes going to Culver’s (OMG I hope this happens).

favorite place to be alone in Chicago?

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One of the places I go to be alone in Chicago (if only for a few minutes) is a car on the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier.

Not sure why but I thought this would be a scrim that appealed to @commanderrobot #lyricopera

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I saw Il Trovatore at the Lyrica Opera last night. This is the crazy-looking scrim.

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this is love: a tweet from @carlyo

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off to the pig races

“Terry wants to know if you’d be interested in attending a corn maze.”

Fortunately for Byl and his man Terry, a corn maze is one of many things in which I am interested, which includes but is not limited to:

  • eyebrow maintenance
  • Game of Thrones fan fiction
  • pudding cups
  • vintage stationery
  • boys

I accepted their invitation to drive to the corn maze, and I got started thinking about what I was going to wear. Continue reading

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I’m gonna call him Huck.

Let’s not even start with the shenanigans I tried to pull before attending a baby shower for M & C this past Sunday. I thought I’d be slick and surprise them after saying I wouldn’t be able to come. But it’s pretty dickish to mess with the emotions of a pregnant lady, especially one who has had my back for nearly twenty years and is seriously tied with JB and N for the very best person that I know.

And I’ve been pretty “Brooklyn sucks gentrification blah blah blah white people ruin everything” for the last few years but it took no more than a few hours of seeing people on the subway looking all happy with their babies and their produce and their interesting shoes to convince me that if this is where little baby Huck (M & C have been calling him “Figaro” but I KNOW BEST) is going to be born and raised, I’d better get on board the B (for Brooklyn! for baby!) train before I get left behind.

So this is the story of how I spent a little over 12 hours in New York City on Sunday. Continue reading

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what i did on my summer vacation

Winner and still champion #piñata

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May

  • Bought my friend Dave a bootleg Darth Vader piñata from Dulcelandia for his birthday
  • Went to New York to see the Charles James show at the Met, hung out in Sunnyside with friends eat massive green chile burgers and meet Sari’s adorable baby, go to a benefit, stay in fancy hotels
  • Read in Carly and Rose’s first show

good morning #selfie

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June

  • Ran an alumni version of ScavHunt
  • Hung out with Zeke the Cat
  • Took a selfie that I like
  • Flew to LA for V3Con, finally met Joz, ate the same meal at the same restaurant two days in a row
  • Danced to house music with a bunch of other middle-aged people in Daley Plaza

late afternoon nap #marypuppins

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July

  • Spent July 4th weekend with Lola
  • Said goodbye to Ellen who moved to Seattle
  • Went on insulin
  • Got a Fitbit
  • Went to Pitchfork
  • Walked home from the Loop, broke my feet (temporarily)


August

  • Drank at The Cove for the first time in 15? 16? years
  • Practically threw up when I saw my piece about the history of prom at my alma mater published in the school bulletin because I was nervous about it being horrible
  • Was the first return reader for That’s All She Wrote Chicago
    • This was also my first live lit show to be held at a tattoo parlor
  • Looked after all the cats in Chicago
  • Hung out with Patrick who came for a visit
    • snorgled belugas
    • saw Robyn and Royskopp
    • ate at Hot Doug’s, probably for the last time
  • Saw Funkadesi play Summerdance, and the experience had me thinking of what Stefon from SNL might say: “The hottest night in Chicago is the Funkadesi show in Grant Park. This show had everything: turbans, Brazilian drummers, bros doing Bollywood dance, white guys in dashikis.”
  • Labor Day weekend
    • Cabaret at the Music Box
    • Art Institute with Toni, Magda, and Andrea to see the Magritte show and get all worked up over it
    • Lie around Leah’s, house-sitting and cat-sitting
    • Binge-watch second season of “Masters of Sex”

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Me Talk Titty One Day

I’m fat.

I am actually quite fat.

I’m fat pretty much everywhere, from the top of my big old Charlie Brown head to the bottoms of my Fred Flintstone feet. Fat everywhere except for two places.

Here, and here.

If I had to pick any two places on my body to be medium or even just a little undersized, it definitely would not have been in the tits.

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